Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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