I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
