It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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