WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
