just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
