Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
