im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize