I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
