Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
