I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
