Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
