this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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