I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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