A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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