I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
...so i touched it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
