ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
