Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
