She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
