New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
