he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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