marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
