the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
