It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This house was built for laser tag.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
