I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
