yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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