I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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