they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
