College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
