im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
