uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
