New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
