you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to cum in my sink.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
