I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
