doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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