i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
