Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
