as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
