Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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