i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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