Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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