do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
