Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
