3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
