end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her vagine was all disorganized.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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