She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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