I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
