I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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