So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
