I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
