so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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