Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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