She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
