Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
