You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
