I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
