I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's always time for handjobs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
