last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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