I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
