He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
sex in a hospital.. check
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
