drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
