She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
