you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
