Me. At least after what I've been through.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
