i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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