Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
