we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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