too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
