Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
