my being single is dangerous.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
