I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
