is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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