drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
