I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
