PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
