a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
