he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
