All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
