All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
