so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
