I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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